I've been thinking a lot about my life, and since this is the perfect time to set some goals or resolutions, I'm going to take the opportunity to do so. This past year I have tried to adjust to this new phase of life I currently find myself in. Thanks to some wonderful friends and my even-more-wonderful, (boyfriend, then fiance, now husband) Bryan, 2009 was my best year yet, in spite of Lyme disease, believe it or not! One of the reasons for this, was that most of the time we didn't let Lyme interfere with our plans. Of course, there were lots of adjustments, but thanks to patient people and the kindness of others, for the most part I was able to do most things that I would do if I were completely healthy.
The truth is, last year was an amazing year for me in terms of travel and recreation, which is a bit ironic. I think it started out as an unconscious reaction to the circumstances I was thrown into. It was as though I felt the need to really live my life on purpose, since there was so much out of my control. I love being out in nature, and I took as many opportunities to be outdoors as came my way. Bryan and I both love to visit National Parks, and started working on our life goal of visiting all 58 National Parks some day. We made it to 9 of them in 2009. We discovered that I could go anywhere the car could go. And comfortably, too! With my blanket and pillows, in the front seat of our car, we've done auto tours through all 9 of those National Parks, (with the exception of Glacier Bay, when we were on a cruise ship.)
Camping was no big deal, either. We purchased an inexpensive folding lounge chair, (the kind you can lay on,) and when we arrived wherever we were camping, I would lay down as Bryan set up all our stuff. I know...I really am so lucky to have him. For me, it was a relatively simple decision. I could be sick laying at home in my bed, or I could be sick out in nature, enjoying the beauty & solitude that is found in the wild. I choose nature, beauty & solitude, any day of the week!
The other aspect of all this is that we have taken pictures constantly through all of these adventures. We have so many fun pictures, and they have become so important to me as a measure of what I have done with my life this year, in spite of all that I feel like I've lost. I've kept detailed journals and records (I love to blog) of everything, which also helps me feel like I'm making progress. And the great thing about pictures, is that they are generally of highlights, when people are smiling and happy. It's true that as you look back, you remember less the bad stuff and more the good. I'm so glad that we have all these pictures and memories. I don't remember how sick I was in a lot of the pictures we took last year, but I do remember all the things we did together, and the places we visited!
In 2010, my goal is to continue all of this. It's true that money is tight, and getting tighter. Still there are so many places to go and things to see right around us. Lyme can be a really difficult illness because it's not well understood by most people, and it affects almost every area of your life...physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc. It makes things really complicated at times. That's why it's so important to live your life on purpose. I've asked myself what do I want to do? Where do I want to go? What do I need to accomplish to feel like this time in my life counts towards something, and I'm not just rotting away in my bed? Some days are more difficult than others, but I know I always have a choice. So I choose to be happy. I choose to see the opportunities that I have, and the things I can do. And I choose to be creative as to how I am going to make the necessary adjustments so I can live my life during this difficult phase and feel happy and satisfied.
Now that I've opined, here are some specific goals:
1) Stay positive and realize that I have plenty of love and support in my life -- even when I am feeling overwhelmed, there are people around me that will help. The last couple months of 2009 were very difficult because I let myself get so discouraged. Things are difficult anyway, so why make them worse? I don't want to do that anymore.
2) Spend as much time outdoors as possible -- picnics, camping, walking around the block, or sitting at the park, (while being aware of ticks, of course!) Being out in nature rechargers my batteries and helps me to feel better about my life. I am going to take the opportunity to enjoy the beauty of this earth that Heavenly Father has blessed us with, and allow that to help heal me.
3) Try not to complain -- this is a hard one for me, since this illness is relentless. But I don't want to be "that girl." You know...the one everyone hates to be around because they have a little rain cloud hovering above wherever they are. I am going to focus on things that I am excited about, grateful for or looking forward to, instead. When I have the urge to express an ache, pain or worry, I'm going to try to talk about something positive instead.
4) Live in the moment -- I want to find the balance between trying to be positive, looking forward to the future and to accepting and even enjoying what I'm able to do right now. In a few years, when this is all behind me and I'm not worried about Lyme disease every day, I don't want to look back and feel like I missed out on two or three years of my life. I feel like I was successful at doing this in 2009, and I want 2010 to be even better!
5) Take care of myself physically, emotionally & spiritually -- this is going to mean setting a few goals that are somewhat personal. But the main things I need to focus on are the specific steps I need to take to be healthy in each of these areas. Things like getting to all my drs. appts; eating right and following my medication schedules to the letter; having a schedule and getting enough sleep; and doing what it takes for me to feel that I am fulfilling my spiritual needs as well. I am very blessed to have a wonderful husband that has been such a support in all of this, and I am grateful.
Well, I think for the most part that sums it up. I'm glad to have this written down so I can check back periodically and ask myself how I'm doing. I know that 2010 will hold some challenges for us, probably even greater than what we anticipate. But I know that it also holds adventures and opportunities that we haven't even thought about yet. Ahhh! I love the new year!
