I know this blog is probably not very interesting to most of you, but I think it's really important for me to write about all the different things I'm experiencing throughout this process, since it's so easy to forget what's been happening from one week to the next. Even just reading back over the last few posts, it's interesting to be able to recognize progress.
This week I've realized that this stuff has really affected my ability to carry on conversations...yes, I know...I'm really good at talking. If we're talking on the phone you may think I'm off my rocker in saying that, since I can still talk. :) It's not so much the talking, but the content that's a problem right now. I've always been a great conversationalist, but it's a lot harder for me right now to talk about things much beyond the days events or what might be happening tomorrow. It's hard for me to put together my thoughts and really articulate what I'm thinking. Most of you have probably noticed at one point or another that I also have difficulty finishing sentences. These are all symptoms of Lyme, and the doctor told me that the treatments would affect "higher brain function" even more for awhile, but I was hoping that I wouldn't necessarily have to deal with that.
I have also noticed that I have a hard time with word retrieval, and I get confused with what day it is, or if I had a conversation with someone earlier this morning, or last Wednesday. It's all a little disconcerting, but easier to handle since I know why it's happening, and that it's temporary. All of this is happening because the infection is in my brain, (which is why I've had balance issues for the last couple years) and as the antibiotics and my immune system kill the bugs, the whole process causes inflammation. The inflammation causes some messages to misfire, so once in awhile, information is not available when you need it.
When I was in Seattle this last time, I tried to use my ATM card, (it's for a checking account I've had for over 10 years, and I've never had a problem remembering my PIN) and for the life of me, I could not remember my PIN. I tried four different times to put it in, and couldn't get it right. The information was just not there. There was a long line of people behind me, and I was embarrassed by that and flustered about the whole situation. Luckily, I always bring an emergency credit card with me when I travel, so I just used that. That incident was really upsetting to me, but those kinds of moments are getting easier to deal with because I just tell myself that it's necessary to getting better.
The rest of my antibiotics and supplements are going well, and I seem to be on the right track. I feel really blessed, because compared with others I have heard from and read about that are in my same situation, I think I'm tolerating everything really well, and that I'm actually pretty healthy given the circumstances. I had a fairly busy afternoon and evening yesterday, and I was expecting that I would probably be in bed all day today recovering. I woke up this morning feeling really good, so I'm going to try to get a few things done around the house. I have to take it easy though, so I have enough energy to get to church tomorrow. Sometimes when I feel good I have a tendency to overdo it.
A friend of mine came to visit last week and told me about another friend she has that was diagnosed with Lyme disease awhile ago. She describes it as knowing that you have a jar with a set number of marbles in it each day. The marbles represent your energy. If you want to use the marbles doing dishes and vacuuming the house, that's fine. If you want to save them so you can BBQ with friends, that's fine, too, but you probably aren't going to have enough to do both. The point is, everyday, you have to decide what you want to use your marbles for, since there is a limited supply. I thought that was a really great analogy. I am learning to pace myself for now, and eventually, when I get feeling better, I will have so much more appreciation for the gift of health and strength. You hear that phrase a lot, and it seems kind of trite most of the time when we use it. It has entirely new meaning to me because of all of this!
Oh, one more thing. I was watching Mystery Diagnosis this week on TLC. There was a guy on there that was having all these bizarre symptoms, and I was like...it sounds like he has Lyme. Well, I kept watching, and he totally did have it! It was pretty interesting. At the end they had a physician on talking about it a little bit, then they did a follow up with him. After antibiotic therapy for a year and a half, he was back to normal. Three years after his ordeal started, he said he was back to 100%. It was really encouraging to see that! I got my treadmill set up this week, and my goal for this next week is to walk everyday -- even if it's only 3 to 5 minutes. I think it will make me feel better knowing that I'm doing something. All-in-all, this has been a great week for me, and I'm very optimistic about the future.
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